Sitting on my sofa after dinner, I am having the first truly awful moment of the weekend.
I had a lovely time both yesterday and today: going for walks in nature, seeing friends, eating good food. All the time feeling powerful, in control, knowing that I am cracking somehow the secret of how to keep myself alive.
But the monster of anguish is always around the corner. Fear starts building in the stomach and it is difficult to dissolve that knot gripping you, to unravel the emotion and out it away, until next time, until the next moment of weakness.
One hug, a few jokes later, I am well again...after all, today I ate the best burger in the world and in a charity shop in highgate I found a Carles and Diana commemorative mug for 2 quid! I am contemplating going to the garlic festival in June with friendsd, my boyfriend is marvellous, my friends unique, my parents adorable
Be strong, cheer up, it will all be well, just believe it
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